My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
