I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
