R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
