Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
