he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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