So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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