she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
