I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
