the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
