Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
