My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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