she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
