I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
