I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
