I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
