No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
