why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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