hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
