Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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