i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
