Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
