i used baking grease as lip gloss
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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