why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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