new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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