Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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