I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
