She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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