I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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