my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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