remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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