I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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