sorry about calling you the devil all night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
