Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
