This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
