yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Watching her eat just hurts me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
