Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
