why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
