Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
