OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
