You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
