I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
