T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
