paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
