I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
