Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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