is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
