my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
