I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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