Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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