This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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