do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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