Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
