Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
