Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
