I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
